Snowballs
James Richmond, D.H.D (Doesn’t Have a Degree)
So, Shayla asked me to write about my adventures on Wednesday with the wet and wonderful substance we call snow. Here in Smiths Falls and Perth, it appeared like snow had forsaken us but God saw fit to dump several inches of the heavenly dandruff these past couple of days.
Now, I would just like to maintain that normally I am not hit by snowballs – I’m Jet Li. No explanation necessary. In any case, Wednesday night we were invited to a Knights of Columbus supper at their hall. As with all tragic conflicts, this war was merely the culminating point of several previous skirmishes.
This all started around 17:39 hours as we were exiting our office building (minus Alyssa and Danica – they went to their host home for supper and we were picking them up afterward for a movie). The supper was at 17:30 hours but we were a bit late because I was defeating the Dungeon Master of Soul Calibre II. As I was exiting, there were a few volleys of snowballs – one of which caught me on the right knee. Now, as this was an unprovoked attack from a Ms. Rebecca Bilodeau I had to follow up with a couple rounds of my own. Tom and Shayla soon joined in but since we had to leave due to our lateness, we made a temporary truce.
Arriving at the Knights of Columbus Hall, I quickly tucked and rolled out of the van and attempted a few ill-aimed shots but they splashed futilely against the window pane of the back door. Slightly miffed at the cowardice of my three opponents I vowed to not miss again. The supper was delicious and due to my ‘fullness’, I was lulled into a sense of security. It wasn’t until I saw Tom, Rebecca, and Shayla descending the stairs three at a time towards the door that I realized I was in trouble. I attempted to catch up by taking an entire flight of stairs in one great bound but I misjudged and almost went through the wall head first. I veered to the left once out the door attempting to draft behind Shayla and gain some time. Unfortunately as I rounded the corner I saw Tom wind up and let fly a 105mm round of wetness at me. Little did I know that simultaneously at my 6:00 position Rebecca had done the same. It was Pvt. James’ last stand. Being Jet Li I let my feet slide out from under me (the uneducated attribute it to mere ice) so the two snowballs passed over my head.
A vicious battle soon ensued and I found myself attempting to shove Rebecca in the snow on the opposite side of the battlefield. Hit by a snowball in the back by Shayla I attempted to maintain my balance but Rebecca managed to manoeuvre herself around and push me towards the snow bank. The treachery and betrayal of the moment weighed heavy on my heart and I never saw the incoming round that contacted my left temple and blasted me into oblivion.
My captors held me prisoner in the van as we drove to pick up Danica and Alyssa at their host home. Upon arrival I thought my ordeal was over but Rebecca quickly exited the driver seat, grabbed a chunk of snow, and whipped it at my face striking me in the left eye while I was still seated and belted in. She then retreated to the temporary safety of the home. Of course this indignity revived my manly instincts and I rallied Shayla and Tom to my cause. We set our ambush well and I locked the car so that no coward would be able to retreat the field. It was the Revenge of the Soaking Wet.
We waited for a good 10 minutes and nothing was happening. Tom and I were standing behind the van and I leaned closer to the back window and attempted see through the window. That was a stupid idea as I was beamed in the face by the windshield wiper. A couple of minutes later, Rebecca and Alyssa sped out of the home firing snowballs as they ran, and Danica followed them playing the neutral civilian. Despite their vicious attack, our ambush succeeded and the two girls were caught in a cross-fire of epic proportions. Seeing my chance I once again attempted to toss Ms. Bilodeau into the freezing embrace of the nearest snow bank. Realizing her imminent doom, Rebecca bashed my left eye brow with her forehead attempting to dislodge my hold. Moment gone we all piled into our van and went to the movies. Now, this would be the end of this tale but you forget one thing – I’m Jet Li and I don’t accept failure. After the movie Rebecca was fleeing towards the safety of the vehicle but my aim proved to be true and I struck her on the left cheek with the remnants of the snowball dripping down her coat to soak her innards. Victory!
I hope you all enjoyed reading this.
Keeping you all in our prayers,
Shayla Doucette, James Rishmond, Rebecca Bilodeau, Alyssa Gabrielson, Thomas Russell, and Danica O'Neill
God Bless!!!
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